Month 19: Up & Down… Just keep going!

This month was a rollercoaster! Workouts, eating, appointments… doctors, vet, specialists, outings and occasions… extra homework and focus on areas my son needs a little work in, a handful of a puppy who demands my attention (we started training yesterday and that was beyond stressful). It was mentally taxing and a little (lot) tiring (my face was broke out all month) and when I think about all the unnecessary junk I consumed…. (insert: emotional eating and some new found relationship with dairy-free oreos)! I had actually done pretty well with eating in February but I did not carry that into March! I think I’ve got it all worked out and am back on my feet for a good plan for upcoming month 20, but I did take a lot of breaks this month due to life being overwhelming. I took many mid week stretches of 3-5 days rest not necessarily because I didn’t want to work out but because life was full from morning to night and when I did get breaks it was when I was sitting in the library waiting for my son with his tutor (and I chose to read then over giving the library-goers the luxury of seeing me getting sweaty in a library… – good plan right?! I’m actually writing this at the library now!). Other times it was truthfully as I was sore from a previous workout or exhausted. I did a couple triple RF header days (3 workouts in a day) to catch up on lost ground and a few double RF header days, but as of this past week, things are slowly getting back to new normal with a pretty full schedule which will adjust again to be less busy come May as we are dropping an activity. All this being said, I am so committed to completing every work out in my inbox and I am going to keep going at this pace! 19 months and going strong!!

Disclaimer: Triple header RF days leave you very sore. They seem productive at the outset but the recovery time is twice as long putting  you out of commission for a few days before you can pick up another workout!

This month they sent out a few bonus workouts too – seriously, Royally Fit was killing me here as I was having a rough month! (jokes aside it is so good to be pushed by them to be active and the reminders!) BUT I am uber committed to my goals (damn I need to get this way with food!) so I did get 2 of the 4 bonus done on top of our regular three per week assigned even with all those mini breaks. Yahoo to getting them all done even when the calendar showed more days of rest than workouts, but multiple workouts in the days I did get sweaty. Today I will finish up the final workout for the month and if I can find a little more time I’ll try one of those bonus outstanding workouts too, but not promising to further overwhelm myself. Next month is plenty fine for those!

Eating… let’s just skip this one and focus on the month of April. The treats are in the past and we don’t need to talk about them right? The takeout due to overplanned days – totally my fault – and unlike February when I cooked on all the days I was supposed to – I didn’t this month, maybe only half… In April I am going to do the no takeout again (or minimal) as that keeps me focussed. If that is what I have to do its what I have to do! If I am out for a function I am going to make a good choice. I will still eat out if it’s a planned function but not because I’m too lazy to cook or didn’t plan effectively. Back to cooking on the weekends. Now, as I am positive person, I will say I did do some more meal prep for the weeks and they went well – so we will let this override the terrible weekends and keep this positive mindset going into April. I like thinking that way.

I looked at a few pictures taken of myself this month. I am going to be honest and I feel a bit bulky and wide and didn’t really feel happy seeing them. I know I am muscular, I know I am healthy and getting pretty darn fit and I know I am a far way from where I was, but I am not sure exactly how I want to look. I am not a “thin, skinny” body type to begin with, and bulk on my 5 foot nothing frame naturally makes me look bigger. However, I feel conflicted. I love being strong, but I still secretly have a desire to be more thin, especially my arms (they are where I notice the bulk in photos. I definitely have muscles). Now it could be the shirts, the angles, who knows… but it got me thinking I need to sit down and think about what I want and what is achievable in reality. My rib cage is large. It shows in photos and shirts. There isnt much I can do about that so I need to be realistic. I’ll definitely keep plugging away and see where I go and hopefully find clarity on the way! I am hoping that spring/summer and extra light cardio, outside and generally more movement thins me a little. Winter does make me a bit hermit-ish (and the eating wasn’t stellar of course). I feel I am in between where I was and where I still want to go. Even 19 months in, this journey is in its infancy.

My son and I are now competing in step challenges together and he is kicking my butt daily! We just started this past week. We also started a walking track date Sunday mornings a few weeks ago and are really enjoying it. It is some good 1:1 time and great for our bodies! This morning was beautiful so we headed outdoors instead!

One more confession: I gave up the ice cappuccinos for 6 months like I promised myself back at month 12 report but the very next month (this month, 7 months later) I found I consumed 3! All by my lonesome on the way home too, like a guilty pleasure or totally like a sugar and stress addiction! My son went 100% dairy free just over a month ago and for some strange reason the craving intensified for them knowing they were likely a forbidden item of our future. So you know what is happening right? I’m committing to ditching them again for 6 months. I’m an all or nothing girl with them. They aren’t cravings that seem to go away unless I completely commit myself. Damn they are tasty! Truth is I too have a dairy intolerance and I don’t consume much dairy but I can’t help thinking about them!! Every time I pass at Tim Hortons… and they are on every corner! Some like their wine… I like my ice capps it seems…

Going forward: Next month is 20 months at this. I am going to keep moving in the right direction. I am going to continue replacing some of my green tea with hot lemon water. I am making some food commitments as noted above. I am going to get out with the dogs more (especially since we have started professional training with the puppy and winters we are a little lacking there too). I am going to kick my son’s butt in some step challenges on a few of the days. I am going to accept this journey has ups and downs and the most important part is to keep moving and working hard to be just a little bit better every single day/month/year. I’ve got this. I’m the only one who can push me to be the best me.

As I finish writing this I feel like I focused much on the struggle of this month rather than how far I’ve come, but sometimes that is reality. This is a real journey. Next month I will aim to be more positive and I guarantee it will reflect in my results. Thank you for taking time to follow my journey. Your support is always appreciated and further motivating.

 

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